New pair of glasses,wind in my hair and nepali aloo chips

Well  its 23rd October 2016 and then in a few months you will be 26.

Wow.Time does fly by does it not?

I sat behind a complete stranger’s scooter today and felt the wind in my hair oh god that was a good feeling.It is a good thing to sometimes take a back seat and then look at the sky and realize how tiny you actually are.

Skies are amazing,and so is life.

I lost my glasses and was having terrible headaches so then I got new ones today and I look like an utter dork but well it is fine.

I am over the lets get herbal and ayurvedic phase so I am having tons of nepali aloo chips because they are worth all the diseases in the world.(Not really but it tastes good)

So it is all good,being myself and smelling great!Catching up with ananaya was great because she is an amazingly pure soul.

Start the potato factory man I will make you rich.

Nepali local potato chips are the best,this over lays any day man.

I am planning to continue to write thanks for the encouragement 🙂

Totally going to start a new project soon,hopefully it will not be a fail.

Sleeping 8 hours a day is wonderful for your mood and health and skin.You know what else is great.

Life.

 

25% charged

Just like my phone’s ever dying battery I am on charge 25 % at the moment as well.

But I must be honest I am pumped up I do not know what got into me but I am walking a lot I guess I am just getting that awareness back that I have feet and I can walk away now.

My boss is so nice I think he is not even my boss.I was just complimented that my name sounds like I am a Shehezadi from Persia,this coming from a beautiful french woman made my day.If it came from a creepy ass you know who I would be crying .

Shehezadi from Persia does not sound bad at all,I could make up fake stories with Rose to fool innocent Thai kids like we faked how Rose was the Princess of Italy(Everyone fell for it)

I am such a good story teller,I could entertain anyone with my stories.

I am probably going to be a story teller for the rest of my life.Balance my pitta dosha and eat green stuff.The experiment with the ayurvedic stuff is going fine now,I ate salad with walnuts who puts nuts in salads? I paid $5.00 so I did not throw it away but then again I wanted to.

I just realised that all the plants in my workspace are fake just like my landlord’s soul I guess.

How could I not have known? damn it I am so slow with seeing reality it scares me.

It took the two of us two years to convince ourselves that we are not meant to be and maybe it will take a lifetime to convince because things that need convincing are not really true.

Anyways,lets keep that aside,the thing is I am hardcore adulting since the last 24 hours I have even organised my wardrobe .So I guess it is time to take a break.and not give a shit.

I think I am going to try and eat less meat because it does wonder for my skin.I need to be fabulous because I think I lost my fabulous by 5% in the last month and I want to upgrade it to another level now haha.( How can I be this level of vain and charming at the same time?)

I missed reading so much now I am reading voraciously again…I do not know why I stopped.I told myself it does not make sense but then again what does?

Reading is mandatory to keep myself sane,to keep things intact inside me.

Do you know that people who read are more imaginative?You should start imagining too because if you become too real life gets dull.It is important to keep the color of life alive,being too engrossed in fitting in or being too materialistic is not going to lead you anywhere.Life is too short and we are all going to die.Stop being scared about what others think of you.You should be okay in your eyes first.Forgive and let it go,we were kids who did not know what to do and how to react.

Sometimes I do wish we were adults while we were at it maybe we would not have lost each other but then again if we were already adults before we were stupid people we would have lost the meaning of life.

You told me I do not have to do things I do not want,same goes to you too.Stop locking yourself in the box and take more risks,take more pictures of yourself before you get bald.You wont look as good as you do now (considering the fact that I gave you a style makeover and there is noone to style you now)

Take care,I am not worried ofcourse I am not.

Rae

 

20th October 2016

Since I pinkyswore I would be doing something healthy for myself I decided to research on my body type in an ayurvedic way and figured I belong to ‘Pitta Dosha’

Apparently I am made of fire and water element and all the characteristics of an imbalanced pitta dosha human was what was happening all of the time 2015-2016.So I am going to experiment and see if this shit is real,if it is I will create my own adjustable lifestyle where I am a balanced person who does more mature balanced things and well if not I am screwed anyways.

Starting the day with coldplay makes you all pumped up for a good day.I am trying to have a good day reading a lot about the pitta dosha and having green tea.I might even start practicing yoga but that is going to be too much so I do not know.

I am trying to get my shit together because I will be 25 next year and I NEED to be all adult.I do not need to pay taxes even if I am working and that is wonderful,I buy mascara with my tax money and occasional face masks that make me look like a tiger for 15 mins and like myself after that.I do not know why I buy face masks.I think I already have good layers of them in reality why is there a need I do not understand.

Prajwal Parajuly no matter how much other people hate them is one of my personal favorites.Writes in a way you can visualize.Which is great.

I wonder if anyone can visualise what I write…I hope someday someone will be able to.

I have no idea why Anne Frank’s Diary is such a hit actually I did not find anything marvellous about it when I read it I just remember that Anne’s crush or whatever the guy her age who was hiding with her found it amusing that women have a vagina between their legs.(Did he think women pee from their mouths?) Hilariously idiotic or maybe I remember it wrong but this is the only part I remember about that silly book which did not really make a huge difference in my life.

 

You know what is making a huge difference in my life?

James Charles he is insanely charming to look at and has 10000 times my makeup skills.I need makeup skills get me a lot of makeup stuff when you come back because well I might as well look prettier.

If I made youtube videos youtube would sue me for making videos….but that is just my opinion.I think I am still not myself yet thanks to period cramps and crankiness.

Kindness,happiness and good food wishes( is this even a wish to wish upon someone?)

Rae

 

Because I promised you

I know I told you I would write today,I do not know what I will end up writing about though.

Let’s just go with the flow maybe this article will be a subtle rant about life or maybe it will be about rhinos who knows?

So like always my mind runs miles per hour and I will always be the randomest person I know.I am sitting in a coffee shop at the moment working from a cosy sofa like chair that has grey cushions.I am sorry I ruined your green cushion but I already know you accepte my apologies last year.My day today was a random one,I lost my debit card ,googled GRE and Disneyland and then thought about you ofcourse.What else does one do ?

My work is demanding so I have to submit reports everyday,I am not complaining because I am not thinking about you when I work.I had a chicken sandwich for lunch today because well they do not have momos here,I have been listening to a lot of coke studio songs because they are amazing.

Other than that I was thinking I would write about my dog but she bit my shoes today and ruined it so I am mad at her a bit.Days pass by like they are moments or months and I do not know what differentiates it.It looks like everything is pasing through or by me and I am paused.I am running through everything in slow motion but sadly I do not look as gorgeous as kajol does in DDLJ .

Thank god I have no uni brows.

I am 24 and I am completely lost with no idea about how to go on with life.I am at this point where I do not even know how to function with 10 hours of sleep per day.I am either staring at the ceiling or staring at something else that is invisible to everyone else.I do not like talking anymore.It does not make sense.Books make me weep so I do not like reading anymore ,what would I do reading anyways I create this illusion in my head that everything in life is related to you somehow it is though it is not.

I have discovered that ayurvedically my body type is pitta dosha so I should stay away from cheese…not a pleasant discovery.I do not know what my secret ingredient for aloo paratha will be anymore.:(

I have decided that from tomorow I will start tiny steps towards healthy living.I do not know how but yeah maybe I will just get some more sleep.

Who knew that 24 is more difficult than being a fat teenager with unibrows (which was me at 14).

This coffee shop makes me think of you because we had three super serious conversations here and now well none of it mean anything just like we do not.

One great thing about being an adult is that you can work and make money and then waste that money on food irresponsibly .

that is as long as you are not married.

Did you know that Nepal ‘s hunger level is to be considered seriously?Maybe I am to be blamed for so many people’s hunger because I eat so much haha

no seriously though Nepal’s hunger index or whatever they call it is  serious and I hope the government and locals work together to fix this shit because they aint going to fix anything else.

Apparently the earthquake reconstruction has not happened yet either.

I do not know what is going to happen to this country.

I do not know what is going to happen to anyone here actually noone does so it is fine.

Someone told me today that I had #nofilter.Well I should take this as a compliment even though that has put me into a lot of trouble a lot of times.

Periods suck so does being a woman during periods,I do not feel feminine at all,I feel icky.

I hope feminists do not go shame on you here on my blog because come on I am sure many women do not enjoy having periods.

If I am ever born again since I am hindu and all that I would not want to be a woman not because of anything else but because of periods…it just is not that great.

 

anyways hope you had a nice day

 

xoxo

only yours

always yours

 

What being a friend taught me.

 

Being your friend is one of the best form of ‘being’ in my life.

You have accepted me without terms and conditions and that has been beautiful.We have laughed and cried and danced and watched frozen (you watched it just because I was too excited).We even watched Gatsby and the other stupid movie that taught us nothing in particular but had a lot of awkward ‘adult’ scenes.You stayed up till 4 am with me to talk about life and even went on walks when I really needed to.You agreed to push the bed to the other side so that we can work out for REAL.we even had a pen drive full of insanity work out videos and boy did we feel slim after 3 days.We were so slim that we stopped working out (are we not the lamest?)

You watched me go through phases and I hope you did not judge me as much (to be honest I do not think you judged me because if you did we would not be freinds),my only watermelon as food phase,my lets put honey and yogurt on the face phase,my lets goto Pattaya phase,my ‘I will only eat bananas and water melon on weekends’ phase ( seriously why did I even…-.-),my omg trust me all people in the world are fabulous and kind phase,my let’s go be characters of secret life of walter mitty phase,my I just need to graduate and nothing else phase and even my I am not good enough with anything phase.You have been there.

You agreed to cover songs with me when we were having breakdowns because of exams,you agreed to keep up with my weirdness and you agreed without being asked to.Somehow you restored my faith in life.

You were the first and I guess the only person who wrote down the quote I came up with and pasted it on the mirror ‘Eeveryone is a Phoenix by Choice’ and oh god that boosted up my spirits for so long.You listened to everything from me whining about life to me crushing over him.Sometimes I felt like you were the elder sister but in reality you are younger than me (Unless you are lying about your age)

You laughed at me,you laughed with me and you made me laugh until I cried.What else would anyone ever want in life than to laugh freely without having to worry about things?

You literally spoiled me with love and freindship and oh god I treasure that so much.If I had a million dollars I would firstly pay for a flight ticket to Bangkok and go to the places we promised we would go to ( saxophone being on top of the list) and I would also buy you Dr.Martens originals because I know you love them.I would give half a million to my dad and then the rest of the money I guess I would put back in Hope Foundation,the first place we ever volunteered in because the miracle baby there changed my life.<3

The memeories you helped me make in the years I was there are definitely  the most beautiful ones I have had in my life.I miss you a lot but I am not writing this to rant about how much I miss you.I wanted to write this to just tell you some stuffs you taught me even if you are lame and even if you are not as cool as I am.

You taught me how to get rid of lice.

(hahahahahahha omfg this is real)

You taught me to love myself even if I got lice and thought I had cancer and I was going to die and had already thought of my funeral.

Even though I went to a strict all girls pure convent school you taught me the difference between fingers and toenails and why you can’t say buttrils to butt holes just like nostrils to nose holes,you also taught me a lot about the digestive system.

More importantly you taught me that it is perfectly fine to be the person I am. I had not met anyone before that who trusted that the way I was ,was enough.

Being your friend taught me to be myself and be in love with myself.Being your friend helped me understand that I need not always look for mistakes when I looked at my reflection.That sometimes a hug and someone to talk to is all you need in life in order to be the happiest in the world.We were college students who were almost always broke but we never failed to feel rich and we were always so grateful.We shared whenever we could and yes that kind of compassion was something only a true freind could teach.

You taught me how to just say ‘Bye Felisha’ to people who did not deserve to be in my life anymore and just when to stop feeling guilty for the mistakes of others.

You damn fine you almost Beyonce ( but you do not even like Beyonce I guess by now you know this was intentional)

You damn fine!

Girl you always be my sam 🙂

I am 24 and I beleive in the goodness of humanity and everything life because of people like you .

Love you 🙂

I guess this was too much damn

 

1st JUNE 2016

FUCK its 2016.

its june 2016.

I don’t even know why it is 2016 already I am not even done laughing at the Mayan Calendar joke damn it.

The visions that I had for myself are not even on the to do list anymore.I went from being a grateful person to a groggy asshole in 2015. I do not even know how it was 2015.Someone please make the clock ticking so damn fast,I am not being able to catch up with anything.I am on Pause mode and everyone is Fast Forward.

Could I be 20 again and not understand the things I understand at the moment?

Could I be 18 and slap him and tell him to fuck off?

Could I be 19 and take Ghale for a long ride away from the hustle of Kathmandu?

Could I be 21 and not give a shit about what I wore in front of 7 girls who laughed at me?

Well now I know I can be a 24 year old who could just live in the moment and  not give a shit.

I cannot be before this neither can I be after this because all I am is being not been or could be.

That sounds not so logical but life is not as smooth as Sara Barellies songs you know and it is june already…42 days….damn doesn’t life change?

42 days till all that could have been.and you are here with your feet not on the table instead of the ground.You are breaking away and are the perfect example of people do not always look like how they feel.

Queen of attention to details,your fantasies are never not going to dark,you are never not going to be afraid.

Will you really be able to live with this?

Will you be able to look at people and not feel guilty of existence?

Will you ever be able to dream of horse driven carriages and fireworks?

Will you ever be able to forgive yourself for placing other people before you?

Will you ever be able to take commitments and staying seriously?

Will you ever not be scared that he will leave?

It is june 2016.

and you are still the little girl afraid of a lot things people do not understand at 2007.

I hope you overcome this…and if you don’t I hope you are not born as a human again if the reincarnation stuff exists.