why are you doing this?

because it keeps me alive

what do you do for a living?

something else.




I still wish

it was you besides my bed

instead of him.

I still post

 my pictures publicly

in hopes that you see them.

I still  yearn

for your touch.

I still miss

the color of my cheeks

only you could bring out

I still  sigh

would I be this person?


you had not left.


without you




what they don’t know

They ask me

to hear the world

to fear the world

tik tok  tik tok

it’s supposed to be a reminder

‘not much of you is left’

I ask them

to leave me alone.

They tell me

not much of me is right

I  really do not care

I fancy creating shapes in shadows

I tell people what I feel

I do not believe in regrets

They fear

I will know I am the light.

They do not know

I already know.

Chapter *19 * Alan Rickman,Isis and Oli’s lameness

First of all today has to be the most bizarre day ever.Life has always been strange :not necessarily in a bad way but yeah whatever.

So,ISIS which a lame group that bombs people bombed the capital of Indonesia for no apparent reason…I read somewhere they hypnotize people to be suicide bombers.Even if they do not they still do not make any sense.I had researched a bit about their origin because well….I had access to internet,but the hatred they have seems to be going nowhere….I knew love lasts forever but well they are and example of hatred does too.

You know when you love someone you need no apparent reason to love them…it is the same with hatred… when you start hating someone,you have no freaking reason to do so either!

In the name of religion all ISIS is doing is going against God….they do not understand that the non-sheep like humans who can actually think for themselves are not really going to fear muslims (I HAVE MUSLIM FREINDS AND I GOD DAMN LOVE THEM) I love bearded muslim mens and by no way am I going to fear or hate them.So yeah ISIS you are possibly going to lose this battle….how many lives are you going to take to free yourself? You will run out of people to kill but how will you run away from guilt when you know that after all you are just a few steps away from death as well?

While we are talking about death one of my favorite actors died today…Alan Rickman (rest in peace) I will always always al freaking ways remember you as Snape.

I hated Snape all the time..his hair style,his grim look,the way he talked to Harry….but oh my god J.K Rowling wrote the most twisted love story of all times thanks to you….when I found out Snape loved Lilly after all this time god knows how many kleenexes I had to use…..Snape thanks for making me believe in true love.

Alan Rickman you frigging genius….you will be missed 😥

Okay lets talk about something light now that everything is heavy….I as a Nepali suffer from Oli-ism…..not only is he proving himself as the stupid-est Nepali on the face of earth but he is also making me question my existence.

If you are a futsal fan I have bad news for you according to rumors…Oli Sarkar has ‘banned’ youngsters from playing futsal because it is creating noise pollution.

Oli you caring soul….are you blind? does your nose work ? because well more than half the population in the capital wears masks to protect themselves from the air pollution as if it is their uniform.Are you going to sell small  and portable’fresh oxygen tanks’  just like they do in China for fighting air pollution? Are you going to give a flying fuck about the vehicle emissions?or are you going to do anything about the unofficial indian blockade?

oh wait sorry mr.pm I almost forgot you are on your honeymoon phase….-.-

Oli-sm states that women’s ability to reproduce is charitable to humanity and more policies should be built on that…wow….dude knows what he is talking about.

Oli-sm also states that unless you have seen a rhino your life aint meaningful dawg! so just ef off if you aint seen a rhino whatcha doin wid ur life dawg?

(yes sadly he is the pm of my country….)

Oli-sm believes in castles grand-er than castles in Germany for himself on the ground…he beleives in castles 10 times grand-er than that for us Nepalis but based on air.

How thoughtful!

Oli-sm is sad women are not empowered enough in our country….and except for words he has nothing else to give us in consolation.

slow clap

until then

I would rather say jai bholi than say long live oli



I have


holding lit cigarettes between my fingers

hoping to feel the burnt of my heart in my lungs

I  have


trying to forget the smell that lingers

hoping to forget how heavenly you felt in my toungue

I have


walking leaving a trial of ashes behind wherever I go

hoping that you would somehow come across it someday

I have


the biggest idiot on the face of earth

and the most magniloquent blind person

for when I looked behind

even I could not find my trial

the ashes

seemed to have been blown away with the wind

just like your never ending




I aim my smile at you

I miss it every time….

you look away

not knowing you have missed a bullet

you aim your eyes

at no one in particular

I wish it was me all the time

you stand there unaware

that your eyes are guns