To the most precious person I never met;
You restored my faith in a lot of warm fuzzy feelings when I felt like I did not deserve to live or have a reflection.
I had created this corner in my mind where I had placed you and had created memories that had not even taken place in the first place yet.From seeing you running around with Momo and Tiger ,you being a fussy eater just like me,you being a maths genius like your father,you being ‘extra’ in all the sparkles and rainbow colors like me,you being as tall as your father with a heartwarming smile,you being as empathetic as me,you crying when you had your first periods and your father and I being there for you regardless of whatever that happened,from your first toothless grin to the widest smile you ever had on your wedding day…I had imagined it all!
I guess this is what happens when you get a mother who is too imaginative and has this habit of getting lost in things that have never happened.
You know darling I would have oil massaged your hair just like my mother massaged mine,I would have taken silly but cute pictures of you and your dad napping together and framed it on the wall because you and him would have been the most important in my life and ofcourse I would feel the need to show off such precious jewels ❤ I would have made sure you were safely tucked into your bed at night and that your dad gave you more time than he gave me,I could not wait till you got home and I would be so eager to hear all about your day,I would kiss you on your forehead everytime you left home and protect you with all my being,I would advice you on how boys and men were different and how you should stand for yourself regardless of whoever stands infront of you.I would tell you to beleive in more than your body and not listen to people who tried to limit you.I would tell you to wear clothes that made you comfortable in.I would ask your father to workout and be fit so that he could carry you around and show you places I couldnt.
You see your father would not be expressive about a lot of things but I would force him to participate in all emotional and other talks with you just to make sure that we do the best we could to raise you.He might not have been the ideal man to look upto when it comes to being empathetic or being emotionally intelligent but he would be the perfect father who would work hard and make sure his little girl was happy.
To be honest I could write so much more but I can not anymore because if I do I will cry and I do not want to at the moment.
Some what ifs are more painful and haunting than other what ifs in our lives.I guess you will be the most beautiful ghost from the future that I was so eager to meet but never could.
Loads of love