Day 4:A letter to myself

Darling,

It seems you have told yourself you have become rusty so many times that you have actually started believing that crap so here is a long ass reminder letter for yourself by yourself because people like you deserve meaningful letters with sincere emotions.

I know 2015 was a pretty rough year and you paid amazingly high prices for fantasies in the first half of 2016.I know you thought your life was over and that you would not be able to cover distances or be the amazing unicorn that you are.You listened to people and their opinions and you were scared of being a disappointment to them like always and you did everything you fucking could to make them be the opposite of disappointment and look at where it got you babygirl……You could be shitting 5 carat diamonds and be the president of the United States and they would still look down on you….because they always have and they always will….so fuck them.

It is high time you just quit being guilty of the crimes you never committed, you are not like your cousin who got married in 2000 come on it was 16 years ago why are you scared for something that you did not even freaking do in the first place.

You already lost your best friend to the clash of society now do not lose yourself.

I know now it seems so blegh and cloudy that there is so much to do and you do not know where to start.I remember you as the girl who was always eager to wake up and go for a morning walk so that she does not miss the sunrise…the girl who gave people warm hugs just so that they could have a great day ,someone who would not mind sharing all her happiness to everyone she knew,someone who knew the importance of late night talks,someone who understood the importance of challenging herself with new perspective,someone who would always experiment with fitness routines and goto the gym with mascara on because she always had to look fabulous.

And now look at you munching on milka not caring how much you will gain from this  and just excusing yourself not to have mental breakdowns publicly.This is not how life works,you are not supposed to be this sad when you are this young.You do not have to do things just because you are expected to do them.You are confused about things then say you are confused about things,there is nothing wrong with being confused you know that you love perfumes and writing…that is enough clarity for this while.

Stop putting people before you because by now you should have understood that no matter how hard you try you can not please them,you are not the cause of their unhappiness,you are not a dead fish to go with their flow.You have always fucking always always alwayyyysssss tried to make them happy,if at 16 the Indian Embassy Award that said First Position Holder was nothing what do you think will make them happy at 24? You being an astronaut? Oh wait that would mean that you would have to stay out of the house till late…damn a disappointment already so you see my point right?

Let me tell you something your brows are naturally on fleek and thanks to you drinking water like a fish everyday your skin naturally glows too,you have enough freinds around the world who are just a text away and will be there for you no matter what,sure you had your heartbroken and what not but then you even forgave the people involved in it meaning you still have a big heart.There are a lot of things in life to be done to be seen to be found and bla bla so do not tell yourself that this is it and this is where you need to settle.

You want to grow up and learn and practice kindness and maybe aerial yoga who knows why are you breathing measuring the air you breathe thinking you might offend people around you god damn it?

You want to take more time to figure out what you would actually want to study for Grad School? Take all the time you need do not let idiots who do not understand the concept of time and space put a deadline in the experiment of your life.

You want to write your heart out so that you figure out what you think?

Go ahead buy all the calligraphy pens in the world and write your heart out.

You want to travel and become a gypsy?

Runaway but take mosquito repellent and sunblock with you.Also some cash and hand sanitizer…okay who are we kidding you are not meant to be a gypsy.You are too delicate physically for that and you can not eat whatever you want.

Okay fine you have a delicate soul and you get heartbroken easily but does that not mean that you are amazing with feelings and emotions?Come on most people live their entire lives to just to die and become the zombies that they already were when they were alive.You sweetheart are different,you cry during the movies,you cry hearing love songs,you cry watching people being proposed to,you happy cry,you sad cry,you laugh wholeheartedly,you feel wholeheartedly,you apologize sincerely and you always give people a second chance or maybe more than three chances.That is what makes you you ❤ Do not be ashamed of being an emotional cheeseball,you have feelings for someone admit it,you like cuddles and warm cuppa green tea admit that too,you suck at maths and tech stuff ? just make other people do that shit but just live like you are supposed to.Rae stop apologizing for mistakes you did not make and please please stop trying to make things work and adjusting to situations you were never supposed to be in the first place,you are just twenty four for god’s sake if you want you can just go live by yourself in the mountains just like Heidi does like you have always wanted to.If you do not want to move it is okay too but then you are not supposed to stay and be stuck.

Remember that for most of your freinds you are family and the warmest hugger they have ever knows.For your grandma you are her favorite grandchild and for Bhuyu you are the most amazing human being ever.You are amazing at making aloo paratha too and damn girl when you wear high waist shorts you are such an eye candy!

Remember you are fabulous.

Today and Always and if you ever forget in the middle of the chaos that life creates  always come back to this blog post.Thank the one who started the blog and wish him all the happiness in the world too.

Love

Hugs

And now to be new  red lipsticks because you finally are confident enough to wear them.

Rae

 

 

2 thoughts on “Day 4:A letter to myself

  1. You’re a blessing ! Who said candle flames would have that perfect shape, winds are always going to change its shape. But all it takes is to let that fire burning! Stay blessed Rae!

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