chapter 8

my depression does not seem to distance itself from me its just that people and dreams that keep on maintaining their distances…it seems I look like a demon to them.

 

I am not ashamed of being depressed…but I will admit I am tired of this disease

I am almost tired of momos….that is how tired I am of my life….like I never thought this would be this bad.

I never thought I would be back to depression again and these demons would eat me up inside….I am tired of saving myself….just because I don’t cut myself visibly does not mean I do not hurt myself.But we are humans and humans do not know what they mean and what they say.

I am trying everyday to look forward to something and stop the things inside of me to decay while I am not dead.But this is tougher than it seems.

Why can’t I just go and live in the mountains ,become a vegetarian and have a goat as a pet and not even bother milking it cos why would I squeeze a goat’s nipples?

I am trying my best to see the bright side up ….I am looking for magic and miracles….but I just find myself as a peice of meat ……that is not something to be happy about is it?

What causes depression? What do  I know? I am no genius?

What cures depression? definately something to look forward to everyday.

My family members have no idea I am suffering….I hope they do not find out….I hope I cure myself again like I cured myself last time…or maybe I just put it off and pretended that was not my reality.

When emptiness eats you up…you can never feel full.That is what my depression taught me…

I hope I come out of it….but hope is what I have misplaced amongst men who keep telling me to put off my emotions.

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